All Encompassing Film Review Thread

[finneganm]

:biting nails nervously:

Also:

Lucky

[DrScott44]

Note: I'm going to keep this as spoiler-free as is humanly possible. Nothing below will "spoil" anything from the movie. This is broad strokes-kinda stuff, so if you're really, really, really hyper-sensitive to spoilers, I implore you to just skip over this. And if you're the type that DEMANDS spoilers, hit me up via PM if there's something specific you'd like to know about the film. Everyone accounted for? Good, let's get started.

Note 2: This is not a review. Just some dude shootin' the shit on a message board, paragraph-style.

Earlier this year, I was somewhat confused-- dumbfounded, truth be told-- to see so many people dogpiling onto Andrew Staunton's JOHN CARTER. Like everyone else with a press badge, I caught the film about a week before it came out, and found it to be a flawed, somewhat jumbled, way-too-busy affair. That said, I also thought it was quite a ways down the road from being a "terrible" movie, and people I spoke with after that JOHN CARTER screening all seemed to feel the same way I did (if you distilled our reaction into a verbal tic, it would've been a shrug).

But meanwhile, on the all-or-nothing internet (where things are either THE GREATEST THING EVER OMGWTFBBQ or IF YOU LIKE THIS YOU MUST BE TEH DUMMEST MUTHERFUKER EVER AND I HOPE U DIE OF EYEZ AIDZ), people were falling all over themselves to deal the cruelest blow to Staunton's film. Seriously, the vitriol leveled at JOHN CARTER in comments sections and message boards was way, way overdone, and-- in the end-- I couldn't help but feel sorry for the flick. It wasn't great, but it sure as hell didn't deserve to have its balls hooked up to jumper cables before a bullet was put in the back of its head.

I fear that the same fate awaits PROMETHEUS.

It is neither the GREATEST move ever made nor the WORST, but expectations are running high, and that means that people are going to do the same damn thing they've been doing for the past fifteen years or so: they're going to double-down emotionally on the film, defending it to the death (so that their pre-release excitement does not feel like a pathetic waste of time in retrospect) or demanding that everyone else find it as trainwreck-y as they do (because...well, I'm not sure why those people act like that; never have, never will). PROMETHEUS contains moments of flat-out gorgeous horror, truly gut-wrenching sequences that had my ladyfriend maxing out the bones in my left hand, and some truly awe-inspiring sets, production design, and-- oh, yes-- creatures.

Unfortunately, it also feels like it hits this weird patch about halfway through where the entire team decided they needed to get to the credits as soon as possible (perhaps they had Jay's gallery opening to get to?), and the rushed tone results in all the symptoms typical of a film that inspires the reactionary shenanigans described above: lapses in logic, questionable motives, unexplained sequences that I'm assuming exist only to serve a potential sequel, and what felt to me like a reluctance to fully explore the lofty questions introduced in the film's first act.

Thing is, I was never, ever bored watching the film (in fact, I was pretty damn thrilled throughout: there were 10-15 minute chunks of the flick where I felt inclined to hold my breath, my stomach in knots), and I didn't feel cheated in the end. PROMETHEUS didn't live up to my expectations, but-- to be fair-- it's probably impossible to think that it ever could. It is not "another ALIEN movie", and it is not a high-minded as it wants you to think it is. It is, however, a helluva lot better than any other film with ties to the ALIEN franchise since...well, probably Fincher's. I would absolutely urge you to see it, if only so that you might defend it when the villagers carrying pitchforks and torches attempt to drive it out of the windmill.

That's about all I'd be comfortable saying without getting into obvious-review territory (not to mention spoiler territory), but if you have questions, I'd answer 'em.

[finneganm]

If OMGWTFBBQ isn't a thing yet, it should be.

[mycrospazm]

If OMGWTFBBQ isn't a thing yet, it should be.

Hello! Welcome to the internet.

Also, still very much looking forward to Prometheus, although my expectations have been somewhat lowered...realistically, I guess.

[DrScott44]

If OMGWTFBBQ isn't a thing yet, it should be.

Hello! Welcome to the internet.

Also, still very much looking forward to Prometheus, although my expectations have been somewhat lowered...realistically, I guess.

This is the appropriate response.

[DaleCooper]

Prometheus was great. I loved every second of it and wasn't bored in the slightest. It's got a great feel to it and you really feel like you're part of another world when you are watching it. For some reason it just feels so believable.

Ignore haters and don't expect an Alien film (although it was more alienesque that I imagined it would be). Really great film making. The whole thing felt super cool and was a really nice side step from the typical summer blockbuster.

[ImAMonster]

If OMGWTFBBQ isn't a thing yet, it should be.

It is now. Scott, gotta admit, I love your reviews and writing style. Any chance you could post a link to your existing reviews? Keep up the good work brother!

[yesterday]

Was it as good as Alien 3?

[Darkknight37]

Was it as good as Alien 3?

I'm a big fan of Alien 3, especially the directors cut. Fincher is the man.

[elanmars]

Was it as good as Alien 3?

I'm a big fan of Alien 3, especially the directors cut. Fincher is the man.

gonna have to check out the director's cut, never have. Besides, I like to think it's Don Draper actually recommending it.

[adamrworsell]

Now THIS I wanna see!

[ImAMonster]

How did this thread die? I come here every week expecting a link from you fools to your brilliant film reviews (ahem, dr. scott...)

[adamrworsell]

How did this thread die? I come here every week expecting a link from you fools to your brilliant film reviews (ahem, Dr. Ambien...)

[Kramerica]

Pretty sure he reviewed Harmony Korine's Trash Humpers to me in a pm the other night......at least I hope that's what that was...

[finneganm]

I saw Moonrise Kingdom over the weekend, and would highly recommend for any fan of Anderson's films. Although chances are if you're a fan of Anderson's films, you've either already seen it, or plan on seeing it soon. Not nearly as appealing as Tenanbaums or Rushmore to me personally, but still better than anything I've seen in a while ( I personally loved Prometheus, but fairly difficult for me to compare the two). I'm not exactly a film reviewer, but I'd love to see someone agree with me in a more eloquent manner, or tell me I'm a philistine.

I love reading reviews of films after I've seen them.